I’m 135 lbs...

...on paper that is.

In my province, your weight is listed on your driver's license. When I renewed mine ten years ago, it was the first time I had to do it. Being my first time, I didn't realize that your weight was put on the back. Unfortunately, I had gained weight since first getting my license and the clerk wasn't going to let me forget it. He curled his lip, gave me a long slow look up and down and asked scornfully if I thought I was kidding myself. He went on to berate me and made me feel about two inches tall.

Okay, I get it man. I have to list my proper weight. I understand that. But did you have to let me know in such a rude and condescending "you're a fat chick, I know it, everyone else knows it, but you obviously don't know it" way? Of course I knew I was overweight! And I would've updated my info without question if I had known.

For ten years now, I've been described on that bit of plastic as being 180 lbs. And I always think of that rude clerk whenever I look at it.

So it was such a sweet and triumphant feeling when I went in to renew it again last night. Like a dutiful, law-abiding person, I made sure to let the clerk (a nice lady) know that my weight had changed and gave it as 135 lbs.

Okay, maybe not exactly "law abiding." I may have fudged a little. But I will be there soon and since I'm going to be carrying that bit of plastic around for another five years, I want it to show the weight I'll be at in a few months.

Take that rude license clerk man. Who are you kidding that you're a nice member of the human race? I may have been overweight, but I got skinnier. What's your excuse? Thhhbbbbppp.