Recipe Review: Easy Macaroni and Cheese

WeightWatchers.ca has been featuring a recipe for Easy Macaroni and Cheese on the Plan Manager home page for a few days now. I couldn't take the temptation any longer, so I decided to jazz up my evening by trying it out.

Since our low-fat cheese selection up here in Canada is pretty slim, the only reasonably close to low-fat cheese I could find was Kraft Cracker Barrel 2% Old Cheddar. I also used whole wheat pasta instead of regular. I recalculated the points value using these ingredients and came up with the same amount of points as listed.

The end result was a rather spicy, smooth and creamy macaroni and cheese. Though it didn't have the deep cheddar flavour of some of the other (full-fat) homemade recipes I've had before, it was still pleasantly cheesy and much better (both in taste and nutrition) than anything out of a box. If you don't like things spicy, ease up on the hot pepper sauce and don't use the pepper flakes. I added both and found it a bit too spicy for mac n' cheese.

Also, I don't really recommend the whole wheat pasta. I find that the whole wheat texture is more pronounced in smaller pasta shapes. Instead, I suggest using Catelli Smart Pasta. It tastes just like white pasta but has the fibre content of whole wheat.

All in all, pretty darned nummy and comforting. And because it was easy to make, too, the recipe is aptly named. Though I have to suspect the cheesy colour of their photo was enhanced after the fact. Mine looked more creamy-white than anything else.

Serving size is listed as 1 cup. I got slightly more than that but would say it's an accurate gauge. One serving is 6 points. 4 out of 5 stars. I'd make it again.

The “now what?” syndrome

It's starting to settle on me despite my best efforts to ward it off with garlic and a wooden stake. The dreaded "I've gotten to goal, now what?" feeling. That sort of jumbled set of thoughts on how to live the plan now that weight loss is no longer the primary goal.

I know it's natural and is something I'll have to work through in the weeks ahead. I don't kid myself that it'll be an easy process. But I know it's something unavoidable and to be explored and worked through. Hopefully I'll find that balance soon. In the meantime, I may be opining and whining in the weeks ahead, so I beg your indulgence in advance.

Of course, it hasn't helped that I still haven't made a decision about Maintenance. I know weight loss is no longer the primary goal...but maybe it is. Oh decisions, decisions. I hate making the wrong choice so I become paralyzed when asked to make up my mind. You should see me trying to decide what colour socks to wear in the mornings.

Seventieth Weigh-in

I knew some weight-rebound was bound to happen because I was sick last week. Fortunately, it didn't put me past my goal weight. I gained 2 lbs this week, making for a nice even 135 lbs. I'm completely cool with that. I can breathe through both nostrils, my side ache isn't as bad as it used to be, and as a result I've been running and Bootcamping again. It feels good to move without pain.

During the meeting we talked about motivation and how it comes and goes. I think it's really important to remember that it's okay if your motivation wavers. Motivation can be strong or weak and it can change as the months go by. If it does weaken, it's just time to reassess and perhaps look for new motivation elsewhere. Make a mini-goal or look for other ways to get inspired. Just don't think you're broken somehow. It's normal and it's okay.

And as my meeting leader said, motivation is like a toilet seat. It can be up and down all within the same day!

So there's your profound bathroom thought for the weekend. Hopefully your week went well and you're proud of something you've done (even if it's a small something, they count, too!) I'm off for another shopping trip. It's time to empty the closet of my transition clothes and get some new duds in earnest.

Part I: What didn't work

I thought it'd be a fun Friday post to make a list of things that worked and didn't work for me over the course of this journey. The list got rather long so I'm only going to post part one today. What didn't work.

• Jane Fonda exercise video: Ah Jane. I was so excited to see you again. In the end, I couldn't handle the 80s flashback. Jane met the donation box.
• Curves Gym: I made the best effort I could, but in the end, Curves didn't grow with me. Though it was a great way to get back into exercising, it became monotonous. It worked in the short-term, but not for the long-term. I canceled my membership after a year.
  
• Weighing myself more than once a week: The scale used to drive me batty and I'd let it sabotage my efforts. Mr. Trim hid it on me for a better part of those 16 months. I had to learn that the scale is feedback and not failure. Since then, the scale and I are on a tentative cease-fire. I agree that I won't kick it and it agrees to tell me what my weight is. It's a lopsided agreement.
• Not having more than one goal: After achieving my first big goal, I became a bit rudderless and floundered. Since then, I learned that always having a number of goals keeps you moving forward. When one goal is achieved, there's always a few more to work on next.
• Olay Thermal Pedicure: I bought this as a mini-reward. Though mildly pleasant, it doesn't make up for the fact the packaging sucks. The tube bunches up, doesn't re-inflate and the paint flecks off it.
  
• Keeping old “fat” clothes: I did this the last time I lost weight and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. My "just in case" clothes were an easy excuse to gain the weight back. This time around, I got rid of them as soon as they were too big.
  
• Barry’s French Twists: Bad, bad, bad, good, no wait...bad, bad, bad. These things are seriously my Cryptonite. After inhaling the entire bag, it's safe to say that I can't be in the same city as them.
  
• Not tracking: Whoo, there's a surprise! Not following the program leads to weight gain, waffling, and falling off the wagon.
• Giving myself permission to eat anything at Christmas: Who would've thought my "awesome" plan would backfire? Ha! Famous last words. This little gem of mine set off a chain of events that caused me to plateau for two months.
• Microwave Egg Poacher: Last fall, I bought a microwave egg poaching cup with the intention of adding more protein to my mornings. I only used it twice. The eggs were rubbery and the yolks hard to keep soft. I'd rather do extra dishes to enjoy them the old-fashioned way.
  
• Exercising without eating properly: I saved all my points for one or two days instead of spreading them out. No wonder I was so tired, cranky, and frustrated at the scale. Once I started eating smarter, the weight came off.
• Beck Diet Solution: Great book, lots of really insightful things in it, but I got bogged down on the "sitting while eating" part. Standing and eating was never an issue with me. I really hated forcing myself to sit all the time because I could think of no good reason why I had to. I got frustrated and didn't crack the book again. Eventually I'll get back to it but I think it'll be best to skip that step.
  

Next week I'll go over what did work.

Musing about Maintenance

For those on Weight Watchers, you know that after you achieve goal, you're put on Maintenance for six weeks. At the end of those six weeks if you are no more than 2 lbs above your goal weight, you're awarded Lifetime status. The six weeks are meant to take your body out of losing mode and into maintaining mode. I'm told it takes a bit of trial and error to get your daily points right.

However, as I've mentioned before, I didn't think I'd be ready for Maintenance. I'm not so sure now. Originally, I thought I'd like to meet my personal goal first. I'd still like to get into the 120s, lower my BMI more, and basically make a bit of goal weight breathing room.

That said, I'm starting to think I'm missing an opportunity to do this the way it was meant to be done. Learn the lessons of Maintenance before being awarded Lifetime. It seems more right to do it this way. I've been losing for so long, a break might be what I need to get used to the smaller me. Especially because my mind hasn't quite caught up yet with all the changes in my body.

I guess I'm just worried that my personal goal might be sidelined. If I don't act on it now, will I still feel like doing it in six weeks?

I'm going to ruminate a bit more and get through this week. Come Saturday, I'll try and make a decision. And if anyone has advice to share, I'd love to hear it :)

Goal day shopping and other things

Aside from a bit of unplanned eating on Sunday night (note: just because you get to goal doesn't mean you're cured), things have been going pretty good during the last few days. Things are settling down and I have lots to think and talk about. Thoughts on Maintenance, plans for the future, fears, and everything else that comes along with the next phase of my journey.

So, there will be a lot of introspective posts coming up, but today I'd rather talk about what I've been doing with myself since Saturday. First, I did most of everything I had planned to do on goal day. The only thing I didn't do was the last charm for my bracelet. There's a reason for that, but that's another post.

When we went shopping, I didn't get as many clothes as I would have hoped. I was still suffering pretty badly from my cold so trying on clothes was a bit exhausting. However, what I lacked for in quantity, I made up for in quality.

The first thing I bought was a bathing suit. And I bought it without shame or embarrassment. Just walked right in among the racks and started poking around. The first suit I tried on fit so well and looked so good on me, that I actually started jumping up and down in the change room for joy. I wound up buying it and can't wait to go swimming.

Next....*drumroll*....I went shopping at Lululemon. You may recall how utterly out of place I felt the first time I tried shopping there. This time, I felt like I had a right to be there. There was a live DJ in the window which kept Mr. Trim entertained while I had fun poking around in the racks. I wound up buying a bra and some crops. The crops are a size 4! Never in a million years did I think I'd get into a size like that. The crops are currently getting hemmed and I still want to get a Lulu shirt so pics will have to wait. Size 4!

Otherwise, the last few days have been about getting rid of my cold and easing back into the swing of things. I haven't been exercising much lately due to my cold and fears about my abdominal issue, but finally made myself do a WATP video a couple of nights ago. Fortunately, I was able to do it without pain so I did it again last night. I'm hopeful that the trend continues and I'm on the mend.

That's my update for now. And of course I hope it goes without saying that I'm very grateful for all the visitors lately to my blog who've congratulated me on my goal and welcomed me to the Healthy You Challenge. You guys rock and keep me going :)

Shiny new life

With getting to goal comes a time for reflection. I mentioned previously how this process has changed my life and indeed, gave it back to me. This is my story of what it was like for me being overweight and what I found along the way.

Before I started to lose weight, I never realized (or perhaps forgot) just how full of zest life can be. I was resigned to feeling tired, unwell, and overweight. A "good" night at home was spent in front of the TV with comfort food, snacks, and treats.

I rarely took care of myself. I emerged only occasionally to grudgingly buy new clothes. Underpants were ragged. I hadn't bought a bra in years because every time I went bra shopping, I'd leave in tears.

I was bitterly ashamed of myself and constantly felt I was a big disappointment to my loving husband. I didn't want to go to parties and have people realize that he had such an overweight wife. Always in my mind was the thought that my husband deserved the best and I just wasn't it.

Up until I joined Weight Watchers, I had been overweight for 10 years. I tried dieting a few times and failed. I walked slowly, I didn't dance, didn't jump, didn't do anything risky. I stopped really looking at myself in the mirror. I guess this was so I wouldn't see that I was gaining more and more weight.

And yet through all these years, I thought I was "okay." That things were supposed to be like that and that was my lot in life. I also convinced myself somehow that I didn't look all that bad. I avoided the camera and even when it caught me, I still would look at the pictures and try and convince myself that it was still okay, that's just how I was meant to look.

I've mentioned before that I never had a lightbulb moment when I knew it was time to start losing weight for real. Even with 10 years of subtle hints under my belt, I began Weight Watchers not with any sort of expectation that it would drastically change my life. I'd lose weight, fit in nicer clothes and that was the end of the story.

After I achieved my 10% goal, I had an inkling that it wasn't about that at all. It was about saving my life inside and out. As each new accomplishment was achieved and as each hurdle was cleared, I gained confidence in myself. Each pound lost revealed something new that was to be cherished. All the conceptions I had about myself as an overweight person were discarded along the way. I could do much more than I ever thought I could.

In the process, I learned that life was worth living again. And not just simply living. Rather, taking it out for a joy ride all hours of the night.

Here, now I can look back on all that I earned and learned. Every little step, every tiny step I made was a victory and flew in the face of everything I thought about myself.

I am not tired anymore. I have a spring in my step. I am a source of pride again. I have been described as a "battery" and told to "stop making it look so easy" when we go hiking. I can assertively order my salad with dressing on the side. I can buy bras without crying. I can walk a half marathon. I can run a 10k. I can kick butt at Bootcamp and take the ultra-advanced-crazy-person spinning class. I can climb a tree. I can go curling. I can laugh freely and make jokes. I can say no to cake. I can eat veggies and fruits and like it. I can achieve long and short-term goals. I can look in the mirror and be proud of my body, stretch marks, cellulite, scars and all. I can forgive myself. I can love myself. And most of all, I can do anything I set my mind to.

That is what it means to have taken back my life. And not only took it back, but made it better. A shiny new life was inside all along. I just had to go looking for it.