I was wrong.
By saying that I would always be overweight on the inside, it was like saying that I'm permanently flawed. That I'll always have to fight. That's some pretty pessimistic thinking right there. If there's one thing I've learned along the way it's this: it's positive thinking that gets you places.
Consider what pessimistic thinking got me in the past. I firmly believe I became overweight because of thinking the worst of me. In my post, I'm thinner than I think I am, I even said as much.
I saw myself as large and unattractive. I wasn't really. But I believed it and I became it.”
My recent troubles with binging can be laid squarely on the shoulders of fatalistic thinking. Weekends might be the trigger, but this type of thinking is the gunpowder. I believed I was flawed. I became it. And I've been fighting the imaginary monster that I inadvertently created because of it.
That way of thinking is no more. I am a member of the naturally thin and healthy. If I have off-days, it doesn't mean I'm broken. Even naturally thin people have those days.
For anything to work long-term, you have to really enjoy it. I enjoy being thin and healthy. I enjoy thinking of myself in these terms inside and out. It's such a bright happy sparkly thought that it gives me focus and a "can do" attitude. Because I can do this. After all, the power of positive thinking means it's a foregone conclusion.
2 comments:
Thank you for posting this, TT. I had a HORRIBLE night last night, and I was really being negative about myself, beating myself up for mistakes, etc. Your post today really helped me to see that I need to stay positive and not be so harsh with myself.
I used to think my eating was "out of control" but then I realized that was not the case nor was it helpful for me to think of myself that way. I started to think of the many ways I am naturally in contol of my eating, some examples:
1. It won't occur to me to think of eating after 8pm or after I brush my teeth for the night.
2. I wouldn't consider eating non-chocolate candy.
3. I wouldn't consider drinking pop or alcohol.
4. I wouldn't consider eating Hagen Daz icecream.
Yet I know many people, both fat and thin would do some of these things. Like most people, fat or thin, I sometimes overeat and under-exercise. Its just a matter of degree and consistency - I'm fat cuz I tend to overeat/underexercise too often, but that doesn't make me very different than many thin people. occasionally I think of going to overeaters anonymous but I know that their model of accepting that I am out of control with food/powerless to it will not be helpful.
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