Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Overweight on the inside

One of the things that I've learned since going on Maintenance, is that I'm still overweight on the inside. The outside has shrunk to a thin person. However, the inside, my mind, my being, is still a food addict. For awhile there, I thought that I had actually converted that voracious part of my soul into a dyed-in-the-wool health nut.

Have you ever heard the phrase, "inside me there's a skinny girl struggling to get out?" In my case, there's an overweight girl doing the fighting. She's a part of me and always will be. If I don't keep an eye on her, she's going to get out again. Like a gremlin after midnight, both hands in the refrigerator, up to no good.

For this reason, I will always have to watch what I eat, day in, day out, hour by hour, minute by minute, choice by choice. Does that sound depressing? It is.

However, I'm a firm believer in taking strength from knowing your enemy. If you know what you're likely to do, you can take steps to minimize it. Or forgive yourself more easily. Or find peace in knowing that it's just how you are.

I know my enemy. The enemy is inside me. Not inside the chips, the restaurant, the office cupcakes, or the bag of Oreos. Inside me and only me.

One of these days I may yet be a card-carrying member of the thin and healthy. But until that day comes, I have to keep tabs on the girl inside.

Update: for more thoughts on this post, read the follow-up piece, "Thin on the inside."


jaxgirl said...

Yip. I call them the "wolves at my door". No matter how I see myself on the outside, can always hear the howl of my bad habits, poor self image and silly cravings.

Paige'smom said...

I believe that my mind just caught up with my loss BUT the inner fat girl in me seems to still like to binge eat. I am not sure if that will ever go away.

:( Wish it would

ptg said...


Double, triple, quadruple Yes.

You have summed up so much in such an eloquent post, I cannot even tell you.