Sunday, November 4, 2007

The recurrent dream

About once a month, I have a dream with a recurrent theme - namely finding myself having to go back to a job I loathed. It's always a great relief to wake and find that it was just a dream and that I hadn't totally lost my senses. However, when I got larger, these dreams changed. Not only was I there, tail-between-my-legs forced back to a dead-end job, but I was embarrassed to be seen by my old coworkers as having become fat. It's hard to shake off that sort of dream because, though I can reassure myself that I'd never work that job again, weight does not disappear when you regain consciousness. Funny how that works.

Last night, I had the dream again. This time it was a job I hadn't worked at for a good ten years or more. But this time in my dream, I wasn't actually working there. I was visiting. And I was distinctly not embarrassed to be seen by my coworkers. I remember thinking "I can hold my head up now." I didn't mind that I still had a few more pounds to shed. I was proud of myself and happy to see my coworkers and be seen by them in turn.

Now, I don't kid myself that this means the end to these sorts of dreams. But I am hoping my weight isn't going to be featured in them anymore. It was an awesome feeling not to be embarrassed by my body anymore :)

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