Thursday, November 22, 2007

A slice of cheese

I eat at Subway a lot. What can I say? Their sandwiches are quick and relatively healthy. I can get a serving of veggies in and protein at the same time. I also discovered – quite recently in fact – that if I get a turkey sub, I can have cheese on it for only 1 point more. Cheese makes the world of difference on a toasted sub. It's almost like mayo. But gooier.

As profound a thought as that is, I'll go a bit further and discuss my other favourite cheese – trashy romances. With Christmas nearing, I've been treating myself to 25-cent specials from the local thrift store instead of filling up on cookies and chocolate. There's nothing like curling up on the couch, drinking Mandarin Orange Spice tea, and reading a Christmas romance. It's about the best zero point treat you can have.

Of course, it goes without saying that there are certain parts of these books I like the most. You know, the nookie parts. They make an already cheesy romance a full-fat cheesy romance. However, despite being romances and all, you'd think that there'd be lots of nookie going on. But alas, I keep striking out. Every book I've bought lately has had either no nookie or sub-par nookie. It's like taking a bite of a twinkie only to find out they forgot to put the creamy filling in. It's just not the same!

So I ask you, what is it with these nookie-less books? Is there a shortage of nookie going on? Women who love nookie demand an answer!

The answer could be that I've been picking the wrong books. For example, my latest thrift store purchase looked promising. A Christmas double-digest with two romances for the price of one. After getting about a third of a way through the first one, I became rather suspicious that this was a non-nookie book. Maybe it was the third or fourth time the author had slipped a psalm from the bible into it that gave it away. That's not to say that there's anything wrong with a few good psalms now and again, but in a romance novel, it doesn't bode well for the nookie connoisseur. Sure enough, I decided to take a closer look at the cover and found the culprit right away. Publisher: Steeple Hill. Their logo: a church. Nookie: denied.

And so my quest for a nookie-filled romance continues. At least I can do it now, secure in the knowledge that if I can't have full-fat cheese in my romance novel, I can at least have it on my Subway sandwich. (You see how clever I am tying the two together?)


Dee said...

Holy crap did this post make me laugh!!! I too like a nookie filled romance novel every now & then. Lately though, I've been heavy into the chick-lit which is sometimes nookie filled & sometimes nookie-less!!

Anonymous said...

Geez and I thought I was the only one noticing the decline in trashy romance nookie quality. I had the exact same experience as you...went to the thrift store and loaded up on books only to find once I got home that they were all Steeple trashy nookie for me.