My best friend from childhood is visiting from Toronto tomorrow. I only found out about it on the weekend. She moved away many years ago. Whenever she came to visit, she was always thinner and I was always bigger.
It was always hard for me to be seen like that because she'd only known the skinny me before she moved. As she is one of my dearest friends and I value her opinion highly, this shamed me to the core. I know she loves me no matter what, but I always felt like because I let myself down, I let her down, too.
When I first started to lose weight, one of the things that kept me going was the thought that she might make one of her surprise visits. I never wanted to give her another awkward hug. I wanted to give her an entirely unembarrassed happy embrace without thinking twice about my big unwieldy body. In short, to feel joy at her return instead of shame for myself.
Now that the day has finally arrived, I think I'm more scared than anything else. She's bound to notice that 60 lbs of me is no longer there. I guess I hope she'll be proud of me.
Between all the 10k training preparations, the soonest I'll be able to see her is this Sunday. Hopefully there's enough time in there for me to get some new clothes. All that's really left from my mega shopping trip last September is baggy, black, and blah. Though I was waiting till goal before going shopping again, new clothes will give me a bit more confidence to face the past and embrace my friend :)