A few weeks back I mentioned a bump in the road. It's come back, but it's okay. It's good.
On Monday, I was finally contacted by the good constable who interviewed me two years ago. They want me to testify at the upcoming sentencing hearing. It was almost a relief to finally know they wanted me, instead of waiting and jumping at phone calls. At the time, I declined to make my decision until a number of my questions were answered.
The constable called back today with answers. Now that I know I won't be plastered over the news (there's a publication ban on all victim names) and that he won't be there, I've agreed to testify. Whereas on Monday I wanted to throw up, today I feel determined. And I feel strong. I am no longer a nameless victim living with shame. That little girl all those years ago finally has a voice and she will use it.
It's a rather silly comparison, but I've been thinking about it this way: the strength and determination that's seen me through my weight loss will see me through this, too. When I was overweight, I really didn't love myself and felt weak and powerless. But now that I have a year of success under my belt, I can do anything, even this. All I have to do is start the ball rolling and let my tenaciousness do the rest.
The next step is for me to write out a victim impact statement this weekend. Then I'll meet with Crown Counsel and the good constable who will go over the process with me. After that, sentencing towards the end of March.
Okay, so maybe I still want to throw up a little. But I'm nowhere near as bad. Not by a long shot. My shoulders are squared, my chin is up.