Thursday, February 28, 2008

The bump returns

A few weeks back I mentioned a bump in the road. It's come back, but it's okay. It's good.

On Monday, I was finally contacted by the good constable who interviewed me two years ago. They want me to testify at the upcoming sentencing hearing. It was almost a relief to finally know they wanted me, instead of waiting and jumping at phone calls. At the time, I declined to make my decision until a number of my questions were answered.

The constable called back today with answers. Now that I know I won't be plastered over the news (there's a publication ban on all victim names) and that he won't be there, I've agreed to testify. Whereas on Monday I wanted to throw up, today I feel determined. And I feel strong. I am no longer a nameless victim living with shame. That little girl all those years ago finally has a voice and she will use it.

It's a rather silly comparison, but I've been thinking about it this way: the strength and determination that's seen me through my weight loss will see me through this, too. When I was overweight, I really didn't love myself and felt weak and powerless. But now that I have a year of success under my belt, I can do anything, even this. All I have to do is start the ball rolling and let my tenaciousness do the rest.

The next step is for me to write out a victim impact statement this weekend. Then I'll meet with Crown Counsel and the good constable who will go over the process with me. After that, sentencing towards the end of March.

Okay, so maybe I still want to throw up a little. But I'm nowhere near as bad. Not by a long shot. My shoulders are squared, my chin is up.


JessiesBlog said...

Tiny you can do this!
You are such a strong woman and I'm so glad that you are able to get this out and let it go...
I bet it'll make you feel so free, powerful and so much happier...
This man deserves to rot in jail...
I am soooooo proud of you! I wish you all the best!
I'm here if you need me!

Lisa aka water_nymph said...

you are stronger, smarter and more loved than he will ever be.

fight for that little girl you were now that you can, and be proud of the courage inside of you.

and as was said on the w.w. board, imagine all of us sitting there, non-judgmentally, holding your hand, and guarding your back


Heather said...

Wow, you are strong.

I was molested by a close family member in my early teens and I don't know if I could do what you're doing. I never told anyone in my family about it, only a couple of close friends know the truth. I will tell my sister one of these days when her girls get a little older just b/c I don't want the same thing to happen to them but I know exactly what you're going through and think you're so brave!

Jenera said...

You are an amazing woman. You will make it through this and be that much stronger on the other side.

::hugs:: said...

H Tiny Trim,
Good luck with your victim impact statement. A friend of mine did one once and found that while difficult to do it freed her up to feel more empowered in her life.
Best wishes!