Confession time. I'm a jumpy nervous mess and it's gotta stop. I keep getting heart-thumpy whenever I think about it and since I've been thinking about it an awful lot lately, I'm like a sugarbug and it's high time I put it to rest.
What am I thinking about? Getting into the 140s. I've been nervous and excited about it for weeks now. There was even a night back in December when I couldn't sleep because of it.
The 140s was when my weight gaining years started in earnest. This means that once I get into the 140s in the present day, I'll have undone all those years – ten years to be exact – of poor eating, lazing on the couch, and generally not taking care of myself. It's unbearably exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time knowing that I'm so close to achieving this. On one hand, it'll be a great achievement, on the other hand, it was the weight range where everything went wrong to begin with.
I just need to stop thinking about it so much. It'll happen when it happens and I won't let the past dictate my future. Now all I have to do is say that a bajillion times a day until I believe it.
EDIT: Thanks for your feedback, everyone!
I don't think I wrote my post very well. I'm more "giddy excited" nervous than anything else. The fact that it was the 140s where things went wrong, isn't weighing as heavily on my mind as the fact that it'll be an awesome huge accomplishment for me. I'm like a kid before Christmas, super excited, can't sleep, desperately waiting for the day to come, hehe.
As for the small niggly fear about the past repeating itself, I've been telling myself I won't be in the 140s for long so it's a non-issue, ha!